Practice Makes Perfect
by ReturnToSender
Summary: Crackish. Some talk between Zexion and Demyx, one wants to name it Sally, the other Shane. Sexcapades. Now added Tollbooth, for your pleasure. Zemyx
1. Chapter 1

1A/N - This didn't happen to me in real life, but is based on the true tales of an old girlfriend of mine. Platonic, not the romantic type. She actually told me that first sentence was true.

_Practice Makes Perfect_

"I wish you'd quit smokin,' it makes your !$ taste funny."

Zexion coughed, blinking red eyes at his boyfriend, who's teeth seemed inordinately shiny for some reason. Ha, _inordinate_. So his little guys tasted funny, huh? Well, he'd have to think about that, since he wasn't the one sucking himself off. Zexion actually had to ponder on that thought too, because he wasn't sure if it was physically possible to blow oneself - unless oneself had very flexible backbones. Eh, vertebrate. Vertebrae.

He coughed again. "Hm. Uh, right. Phalanges."

Demyx blew a puff of smoke in his boyfriend's face, snort-laughing when the guy looked at him all glassy eyed and confused. No doubt pondering his deep ass thoughts. Stupid shit, Mr. Emo-Pot-Head was too fucking high to fuck him. That annoyed Demyx, but he figured if he dumped Zexy in a cold shower before he left for work, his sexy lover would be up for the bump once he got home.

He liked it when his boyfriend had the energy to bang him like a Salvation army drum. There was just something sexy about banging a drum.

He flicked Zexion between the eyes. "I was thinkin' maybe you could quit for a month."

Demyx remembered the last time his boyfriend went cold-turkey. Non-stop sex - good Lord they'd gone through so much lube and so many condoms, he'd had to double bag the trash just to save face in front of the neighbors. Eh, those perverts video-cammed their sessions anyway.

He wondered if Riku-the-cop even noticed his handcuffs were missing...

"Aww, baby. Hm, you know I'd do anything for you - except quit smokin.'" Zexion laughed at his lame joke. God he was high, way too high for discussions on how he wanted to live his life. At least he'd given up coke. Couldn't his little fuck-buddy be happy with that?

Demyx punched him and then rolled off their futon, tugging on his pants as he hopped towards the bathroom. He looked at his bleary image in the mirror and decided it looked sick. Like puke toilet sick. He rubbed at the gray-yellow gunk that had grown on the glass. Or covered it. He couldn't really tell.

"Zexy, baby? I think I'm pregnant."

Demyx heard a muffled curse and stumbling come from their bedroom. Then a tangled mass of bluish-gray hair popped through the door. "Can we name it Sally? I always wanted a kid named Sally."

Demyx pushed his head back out so he could take a leak. "Only if it's a girl. If it's a boy, I'm naming him Shane. I used to have a boyfriend named Shane. God he was a sexy Irishman."

Zexion banged his head against the door, whining into the wood. "We're not naming it after your ex-boyfriend. I have enough insecurity issues as it is."

Demyx pushed his way out, glaring at his boyfriend while he tugged on his work shirt. Convenience store burgundy. Blah. "Insecurity issues?! We screw like rabbits...when you're not stoned that is. Asstard. You know I never bottomed for a guy before, shouldn't that have tipped you off in the first place?"

Now he was pissed, and he hated being pissed before he went to work. Sometimes Demyx really wanted to slap his boyfriend for being a needy whore. Demyx also liked referring to himself in third person. Yeah, Demyx was the shway.

Zexion stuck out his tongue with it's pretty sliver stud. "You suck." He then starred at Demyx with his glassy eyes, fiddling with his belt buckle and his inside out pockets. He couldn't believe his boyfriend had to go and ruin his high with past relationships. Zexion never brought up Marluxia. Or Laexus. Even though Marluxia gave way better head.

Demyx starred at him with his mouth half open, a beyond scandalized look in his eyes. Zexion slapped himself in the face. Christ, he hadn't said that out loud had he?! "I can't believe you said that, Zexion!"

Yep, he sure did. "Oh - _ha, snort _- baby, you know I didn't mean that."

Demyx glared at him. It was the glare of a thousand deaths that said he'd be sleeping on the couch tonight - and possibly the near future. God dammit, his high was ruined, ruined!

God dammit. "Look, baby, baby, you didn't hear the whole thing!"

Demyx wanted to tear him a new one. _Zexy _had said the very wrongest thing. "What? You want to tell me Marluxia fucked you better too?! Huh?! Asshole! NOW HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GO TO WORK?! I'LL HAVE TO CALL OUT! SIX HOURS LOST! THERE GOES MUNCHY RUNS FOR THE NEXT WEEK! UNLESS YOU PLAN ON GETTING A JOB?!"

Zexion kicked over a chair - they'd wondered out into the living room at some point - anger swallowing the last bit of his high. Oh, his bitchy boyfriend _knew _he was sore over The Job! The boss kept trying to grope him, a couple co-workers kept trying to steal his boxers and the clients kept stalking him! He'd tried to go about it in a civilized way, formal complaints, etc, but one night he'd just friggin' snapped! Entirely too drunk, he'd set fire to the CBT building, shaved his bosses dog, and left death threats on many of his client's answering machines.

Yeah, it was totally shway at the time. Aw, who the fuck was he kidding? It was still shway.

Okay, so they had to move afterwards and he'd been slapped with more restraining orders than R Kelly - but at least those molesters got it in the butt! It was only _now _that he was slightly job phobic.

Zexion tended to attract weird mobs of people all wanting to get in his pants.

"That was mean, Demyx. Really low."

Demyx stomped over to the couch, knocking over their roomies' lava lamp in the process. A sniffling sound went with him.

Zexion rolled his eyes. Oh, this couldn't be happening. "Baby, come on. I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean it, you just hurt my feelings." He sighed and sauntered over to his boyfriend, crouching down in front of him. He felt bad when Demyx lifted his wrist and rubbed at his eyes - hiding from him. "You know just 'cause I'm stoned doesn't mean I don't hear what you're saying."

Demyx removed his wrist, and glared. He glared wetly, so it kind of killed the effect. "You don't hear anything I say! Or it's selective. You jerk. How could you say that bitch blew you better THAN ME?! So I made a joke about my ex-boyfriend, big deal! Shane was cute in a little boy way. Remember how I was with him when we meant? That night I went home and screwed him, thinking about you! I felt so bad I had to break up with him." He paused and sunk deeper into the moldy pull out. Then, biting his lip, began tugging at his boyfriend's hair. "Good thing you were gay. Though, I probably would've had fun trying to turn ya."

Zexion smirked, reaching up to grab his boyfriend's hand and pressing a kiss onto the back of it. Demyx had such wonderfully soft skin. "You wanna know the truth?" He felt his boyfriend try to tug his hand away, withdrawing again, and tightened his hold. "Marluxia was a whore. He was giving ass to every fag in a three mile radius. It hurt like a Sonovabitch finding out. I didn't like fucking him or Laexus half as much as I like making love with you. You make me happy I'm gay, if you'll pardon the pun. And confidentially," He pulled Demyx onto the floor, settling him between his legs, "I was actually tempted to go back to girls after them. They were _that _bad."

Demyx snickered and pressed his mouth into his boyfriend's neck. He felt the pulse leap under his tongue.

"You think that crack pigeon is still chewing the screen at our window?" Zexion looked at him like Demyx was the one on acid.

"I...don't think so. Kind of weird having him watch us $!&, but whatever."

Demyx grinned and Zexion heard his zipper being unzipped. His boyfriend's pretty blonde head dipped lower as he started humming that song by the Cult. Painted-something-or-other.

Okay, maybe he lied - maybe Demyx was way better. Or maybe it was love.

"Practice makes perfect, right Zexy?"

A/N - God. I don't even know what that was. If anyone likes Riku/Sora please read The Price of Rain in my stories. It's a three chapter, and I'm working on a Zemyx type space cowboy/pirate-ish fic too. Please review. Or just tell me that was fuckin' weird and you think I suck. At least it's a review! Hee hee.


	2. Chapter 2

1_Practice Makes Perfect_

II.

Zexion decided he'd call the kid campy. So okay, the word was something his grandmother used, but it worked in this case. He sighed and pushed back a mess of blue hair. Maybe it was just the cough syrup talking. Or something. _Anyway, _that wasn't the point, the point, maestro, was if you heard one bad tollbooth joke, you've heard them all, and Nilla had a freaking arsenal.

The origin of Nilla wafer, you ask?

With a job like his, one ended up doing many things one had never imagined they'd do to pass the time. Nilla had screeched through his tollbooth about a month ago and kept coming back every other day - one crappy joke after another - so Zexion slapped a name on him. He had others of course, being a bit of a name whore (like Dorito Lady and Dog Breath Man) but Nilla had to be his favorite thus far. Perhaps it was the cute blue eyes, scruffy hair - that smile with a dimple in one corner - or maybe it was just the completely unfunny cracks about highway patrol.

Not that he was any judge of funny. Zexion had lost his sense of humor, and ambition, the moment he'd realized smoking weed wasn't a viable career option. Damn high school counselors.

He jingled the change in his hand, glancing boredly at Nilla who was fidgeting with the car wheel. Zexion could practically hear the muffler falling off. Was the kid fucking serious?

"It's a dollar eighty-five sir."

Nilla looked up, shifting uneasily before smiling at him. Oh shit that was cute. So cute. Cute, cute, cute - in a totally non-sarcastic way, which was a rarity for Zexion. _Yeeaahh_, he was way too sober for this.

"I-I know." Nilla scratched at his cheek. Still _cute_, dammit. "Um, I'm sorry, is there anyway I can just pay you the balance next trip through? Uh, it's just cause, you know, I'm a little tight this week and um...I just had to buy that f#&!in anime! Do you understand the love of anime, mister?"

Zexion blinked at him. He blinked again. Then he blinked one more time for good measure. He mentally clucked his tongue - which sounded like his mother, God help him - and wondered what in the world these kids were thinking nowadays. You spent money on booze and bitches - not freaking anime. That was just sad.

Zexion cleared his throat. "Listen man, it's a dollar eighty-five. I can't change that. Now, you got eighty-five cents or do I hafta dig up the trooper?" Which he knew was a joke, because the trooper was probably three sheets to the wind. Fifteen more minutes and he could go join him.

They'd roast s'mores and sing Kumbaya.

"Oh no! Wait a minute!" Zexion felt his cock twitch at the entirely too sexy look Nilla sent him. Ho boy, things were about to get interesting weren't they? "Uh listen..." He swiped a pink tongue across his bottom lip. Zexion shifted and wondered how long it'd been since he'd screwed anybody - 'cause at the moment it felt like ages. You know, like ice ages. "What could I do for _you _to, ah, let this one slide, hm?"

A plethora of suggestions invaded his head, all dirtier and more interesting than the last, before Zexion finally grit his teeth and settled on one. Sad, but he figured there was always the _random-chance-encounter_ in the future.

It would take a little maneuvering, and no doubt some bruises and wrenched elbows, but they could definitely do it.

Zexion tightened his fingers on the window and muttered with a grin. "Make it a quickie and you gotta deal."

Nilla stared at him a moment, like he couldn't believe his ears. Zexion watched the slow perusal of eyes - hey, he'd been checked out enough to know what _that _felt like - and the lightening quick sparkle of interest.

Hell yeah, Zexy was the master of hottness. Shway.

Nilla jammed out his car window and Zexion pointed him around to the door. Dear god, he had no idea what he was doing, but his blood was definitely pumping overtime. The pure wrongness of it slammed like heat into his belly. Damn he was hard.

Good thing he usually went commando.

Dragging the kid inside, Zexion eliminated the awkwardness in a rush - too many girlfriends with banners of 'Respect Me Damnit' had made him kind of allergic to personal space - and slammed him against the wall. It was unfortunate said wall had a window, but he figured that was okay since his Aunt had been the one to get him the job in the first place.

She was always doting on her favorite little cousin. Zexion wondered if the woman would end up hating him, but then Nilla started to suck his tongue and he decided it _really_ didn't matter. There would be other, even more boring jobs.

Nipping down the side of a very soft neck, Zexion tore the kid's zipper down and tugged his pants off. He glanced at the last piece of material in the way and almost choked on his drool. Ah, little boy briefs - how spanky. He'd never look at Donald Duck the same way again.

He groaned and hooked a finger under the hem, quickly nudging them down a couple inches. Oh, that was nice. Then he moved in real close to Nilla's ear and breathed. "What's your name anyway?"

There wasn't much room - it was a fucking tollbooth after all - but the kid managed to move himself around. He slapped his palms against the glass. Now that was hott. "You know, I like you. We'll have to do this again." He tipped a mischievous glance over his shoulder, a couple sexy blond strands brushing his face. "It's Demyx, by the way."

Zexion grunted in response. _Demyx _had a nice ass.

Sex for eighty-five cents - damn could the day get any better?! Zexion didn't think so, and nudging the kid's legs further apart, slid down his own zipper. He sucked at an especially soft spot of skin just below his ear. "Guess I was lucky you were gay, considering the fact I propositioned you."

Shallow breaths reached him, fogging up the glass. "Not really gay, more bi-curious. For some reason I just really wanted to get in your jeans."

Zexion pressed his cock against the cleft of his ass. "I kinda have that effect on people."

_0_

_0_

It was about the fifth car in line, where a little girl was staring oh-so curiously at the booth. She'd always kind of thought the toll people were really neat. Chewing on her knuckles, she wondered what that man's face was doing all squished up against the glass. It looked real funny. Like clay-doh.

The little girl glanced down at her mommy, who was rubbing her feet under the steering wheel and searching for a missing pen. She decided her super smart, super cool mom would be able to answer her question. They'd been there a long time too, and she was hungry. When she was hungry she liked to annoy people. Like her mommy.

"Mama? What's that man doing? His face is all squishy and funny looking! In the tollbooth, mommy. Mommy? Oh, mommy pay attention to me!"

The older woman released an angry sigh before jumping up, knocking her head against the wheel in the process. She rubbed at it irritably before turning towards her daughter.

She sighed again. "What is it sweetie?"

The little girl giggled, lifting a finger and pointing at the tollbooth. The woman acquiesced and lifted her head to see. _Well, crap_. Her eyes widened and she made crazy flapping motions with her hands, somehow bopping the horn before grabbing her daughter in the censor hold.

"Holy F#$!"

A/N - Jesus. Anyway, I've been smoking a lot of weed lately, and I sort of need somewhere to dump my nonsensical fics. I just sort of like stoner!Zemyx according to one of my reviewers. Ah heh. Anyway...expect Axel's "A funny thing happened -" and Roxas in a dress for the next one. Eh heh, yeah.


End file.
